Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
