you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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