i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
