This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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