I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
