My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
