Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
