How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
