Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
