i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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