it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
