Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am available for nakedness
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
