that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
