Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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