All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
