She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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