He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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