she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
