I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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