Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
