when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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