I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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