I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
