There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
