Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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