She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
