i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
