She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
