I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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