so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish there were birth control emojis
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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