Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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