We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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