I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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