When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
