Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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