What a fucking waste of an outfit
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like abortions should bother me more
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
