i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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