You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
