He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
