Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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