Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
