He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
