i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
