is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
