I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
