pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
