What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
