I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sorry about my life...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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