Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
