she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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