I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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