I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
