We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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