my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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