your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
