I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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