i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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