If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
