i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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