the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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