why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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