did you get engaged???
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
