farters have to be the big spoon...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
