i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the liver wants what the liver wants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
