Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
