Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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