i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
