I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
